3 Years:
“Mama, may I date Levi?”
“No.”
“Why not?
“Because you’re three.”
“Then I’ll date Levi when I’m four.”
There are many arguments that I expected not to have with my daughter until she was at least thirteen or fourteen years old. The “you’re not old enough to date” discussion was among them. I think we all remember being at the age when it seemed completely irrational that our parents didn’t view us as mature enough or old enough to be having “real” relationships. While we can generally look back and understand their point-of-view ten or twenty years later, it always seems in the moment like they are being completely irrational and cruel.
Unfortunately, my daughter’s request for permission to date came far, far earlier than I could have expected, when a two-year-old classmate caught her attention.
“Mama, may I date Levi?”
“No.”
“Why not?
“Because you’re three.”
“Then I’ll date Levi when I’m four.”
There are many arguments that I expected not to have with my daughter until she was at least thirteen or fourteen years old. The “you’re not old enough to date” discussion was among them. I think we all remember being at the age when it seemed completely irrational that our parents didn’t view us as mature enough or old enough to be having “real” relationships. While we can generally look back and understand their point-of-view ten or twenty years later, it always seems in the moment like they are being completely irrational and cruel.
Unfortunately, my daughter’s request for permission to date came far, far earlier than I could have expected, when a two-year-old classmate caught her attention.
Preschool “relationships”
are neither harmful nor uncommon—in fact, child development experts regard them
as a normal and healthy way that children learn to emulate adult relationships.
They’re so common that many people will stoop down and ask toddlers and
kindergarteners, “Do you have a boyfriend?” or will eagerly play along with
their ideas that they’re actually dating. Even before my daughter’s request to
date her classmate, I had prepared to slap the next person who asked me if my
toddler had a boyfriend. Of course she doesn’t. She’s a baby.
Although I understand that letting preschoolers pretend to date is pretty much harmless, I shied away from endorsing her budding relationship because I know that toddlers can’t understand the difference between a game and reality. They don’t know that their Ring Pop proposals are make-believe and that they have boyfriends and girlfriends only in their fantasies. I didn’t’ want my child to develop confusion about what is and isn’t adults-only behavior because she’d seen and heard me refer to her games of make-believe as if they were real grownup relationships.
Although I understand that letting preschoolers pretend to date is pretty much harmless, I shied away from endorsing her budding relationship because I know that toddlers can’t understand the difference between a game and reality. They don’t know that their Ring Pop proposals are make-believe and that they have boyfriends and girlfriends only in their fantasies. I didn’t’ want my child to develop confusion about what is and isn’t adults-only behavior because she’d seen and heard me refer to her games of make-believe as if they were real grownup relationships.
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